How I Thrive On Stress (& Why Being Calm Is Overrated)

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY - LAZY SUNDAYS ARE NOT MY THING

If watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend obsessively for years has taught me anything - it's that you should never run over your ex-boyfriends-new-girlfriends cat. Oh, and that life makes no narrative sense whatsoever. In books, movies and media there is a clear narrative that is carefully crafted for the characters, they start here end there and every decision they make, makes perfect sense. Real life is nothing like that - people are impulsive, strange and don't fit into one 'category'. So, I'm just letting you know that in a few days time when I get unnecessarily stressed about something fairly ridiculous, I might look back on this post and want to scream - but right now it makes sense to type out everything I'm about to. Apologies to my future, stressed self.

Arguably, being 'cool' has transformed from cigarettes and boy-racer cars to retreats in Bali and a plant-based diet. If you shop vintage, meditate twice a day, practice mindfulness always and preach the ways of veganism - you're seen to have it all. You are living that calm, serene life everyone else is dreaming of at three in the morning as they chug that last Red Bull so they can send a final email or finish an essay draft that's due in five hours.

But, I'm sorry to crush all the dreams of the yoga-pant-wearing people reading this - being calm is overrated. Calm can very quickly turn to boring, unmotivated Tuesday mornings where you sprawl out on your sofa and watch re-runs of Miranda. Calm can turn to the refusal to take out the bins because it might 'interrupt my zen.' I'm sorry, but your 'Zen' is just going to have to deal with the disruption of you taking the bins out. I think your Zen will cope.

I completely understand the worlds desperation for calm right now, it needs it in so many different ways in so many different places. But, in recent months I've noticed that stress (and a little chaos) isn't always a bad thing, it can be a strange, powerful thing that (handled carefully) can make a person more productive and motivated than their usual coffee-fuelled self.

I've said before in my blog about the immense pressure on people recently (especially women) to be in this state of blissful, mindful calm, where choices are deliberate and everything is so considered. But, being honest, although that mindset is lovely, it should be reserved for Christmas and other celebratory occasions where cake is served, because if everybody had this mindset everyday - nothing would get done. Nothing. It is practically impossible to be productive and achieve goals with a mindset of avocados and 'slowing down'. Peace means being content, and being content means you're not pushing forward, you're not working towards something new or aiming higher.

Consider this: in the last year I've written over seventy blog posts. For each one I've written first and second drafts, spent hours taking and editing photos, researching masses of topics, contacting brands and more. I've written over seventy-thousand words of a novel and thousands more for others. I did my fair share of shifts at a local cafe. I attended basketball games and concerts religiously. I met up with friends constantly. I cooked meals for my family and re-decorated our new house. I listened to thousands and thousands of minutes of music and podcasts. I got ill. I travelled to a bunch of new places. I went to Harry Potter World (finally). I gave advice (not all good, sorry) to friends and family. I read a stack of books. I went on holiday with my friends. I went to the beach on holiday with my friends. I got badly sunburnt on holiday with my friends. I watched endless hours of films and TV. I cried (correction: wept) at Toy Story 4 in cinemas. I watched Love Island with my Mum after revising for my GCSE exams. I did over twenty-five GCSE exams. I got mad at the state of the environment, I danced at festivals, I baked a cake or two.

I didn't do any of that by being calm and collected. No. I was completely disorganised, confused and especially messy. I had at least twenty tabs open on my computer, sixty different to-do lists floating around my room, messy hair and a bad back. I ruined my sleeping routine ten-times-over, I cried, I complained, I ignored text messages, I ranted at friends, I left a huge pile of clothes sitting on my desk chair for several months (it's still there).

I'm definitely not a calm, controlled being - in-fact most of the time I'm stressed. I'm constantly checking the time on my phone because there is always somewhere to be, I'm obsessively checking emails and to-do lists, I plan every bit of my life meticulously because if I didn't - all the balancing plates would smash and my feet would get cut on the shards. This might all sounds rather horrific and scary and 'why would you choose to live like that - are you insane?' (maybe, just a little bit). But I love living like this. I still flop on the sofa and watch First Dates with my Mum and a bag of M&M's, I still read books in an armchair on rainy days and sing to Ed Sheeran in the car with my sister. Those moments are great but that doesn't mean I don't love a high-pressured, highly-regimented situations where stuff is getting done.

Maybe I should be calmer. Maybe me and the calm yoga-pant-wearing woman reading this now are one and the same. We're both sitting on our unmade beds, staring at that giant pile of clothes on our desk chair seeing who will break first. We're both just trying to figure out how to leave. Because that's what we are all trying to figure out really, isn't it? That's why we love watching 'morning routine' videos on Youtube and why we're obsessed with self-help books. We're all just trying to figure out which is the best way to live our lives: thriving off of stress, or thriving off of calm. The funny thing is, nobody knows what's the best way for sure. Maybe in seventy years me and that almond-milk-drinking woman will look back and realise that we're both just as fabulously wrinkly and tired as one another.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Yes, there are issues with my generation being far too obsessed with being busy and stressed. The world is finding itself with a young, successful and lonely generation of people addicted to their phones and stress itself, whilst being completely riddled with anxieties. However that's a conversation for another time. My point is, that stress isn't this huge scary thing - it can be motivating and bloody brilliant. What's your favourite way to 'wind down' after a long day? Do you enjoy high-pressure situations? x

SHOP THE POST:

READ THIS NEXT:

Here's What 25 Young Women Think Of Modern Beauty Standards

How To Avoid Feeling Overwhelmed

9 Ways To Join The Feminist Movement

Lots of love,

Grace

xox